11 March 2017

Successfully Unleashing Myself from Being Homesick: Just a Personal Report on The Blog

Exactly a week ago, I set my feet on Tokyo's ground, back to this bustling city. Yes, I was away for exactly a month, spending almost the whole February and early March in hometown. To my surprise, I wasn't that much excited when the airplane landed in Narita airport. "Oh, hello again Tokyo...". I tried to greet the city, which at that time, was covered with clouds. Which made the melancholia within me grow even worse. At the point that I wasn't sure if I was happy or not to be back in the city. Luckily, I could still hold my tears and chose to burst them down once I did my evening prayer in the dorm.

The sleepy one year old me

So, here it goes the story about what happened lately...

Homesick

I was suffering and battling this wicked mind disease for the first and second day after arriving here. I know, it's ultra common for someone to experience homesick. But it never crossed my mind that I would be that kind of someone. I had always thought that I was strong enough to deal with my decision to live far away from home,  most crucially from my mom.  I had always thought that I would instantly be happy, once I set my feet in Tokyo. But this time, I was so wrong.


What made me really surprise about being homesick is that, I never experienced it before. Trust me. During my one year of student exchange program, I was super okay. I was missing mom indeed, but still in a normal way. Last year, which was my second year living in Japan, I was super okay too. I had so much fun living my life here, along with the ups and downs the life had to offer. Turned out, I could still survive happily. Til I realized, I was away from home for nearly a year, even though in my mind I felt like it was only three months.


I wasn't the only one who was suffering. Mom was in the same situation. Just so you know, we both are extremely connected. Once I feel sad, she will definitely feel the same way. And vice versa. We could never lie to each other about our feelings. Because in the end we would just knew, even though we never put them in words.


She said, before, she has never felt that difficult to let me go. It's not that she could always handle my leaving easily, but at least she had always been so strong, so mentally prepared. But this time, none of us had an ample mental prep. During our phone call, we then analyzed what was really happening to us, why we felt so down, why we were so sad despite we both knew that I was leaving for the better, to pursue a higher education in an undeniably good place. Even, it wasn't my first time leaving home!


We then came into one conclusion, which then made us mentally stable again. And I couldn't be happier than being able to be back as the usual me and feeling this way :) I don't know, whether I should categorize "homesick" as a good thing or not. But at least, now I started to feel that home is always the best place, and being at home with mom has always been the best moment. Two things that I nearly took for granted before.

Now, I'm fully back in my normal condition, and back at making my daily to do list again. I couldn't even make one when I was feeling homesick. Since the only thing that I would possibly write is: go home and hug mom. lol.


I'm so glad that I'm able to think clearly again this time. The best part is when I finally found a new research topic yesterday! It was such a huge surprise to me, as I was casually reading a book on the train heading to Shinjuku. New idea came to me without me trying so hard to find one. What a miracle! I can't wait to meet my academic adviser in two weeks, and inform her about this. Hoping my communication with her will just go smoothly, and she agrees on this new topic! 

Anyways, I have some posts pending on the draft. Gotta finalize them as soon as possible, so that I can move on to the other new stories! *feeling energetic*

Guess I'll close this post with a happy birthday shout out to my dad that has just turned 52 yesterday!

Selamat ulang tahun, Papi! <3

Till the next post, guys ;)

xx,

Shabrina.

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