01 January 2018

What Happened in 2017? Let Me Reminisce!

Happy New Year! How's your first day of 2018 going so far? 2018 hasn't gone far at all, we all knew it has just started. But I'm pretty keen to know what you did in this year's first hours? ☺️ If you're not too shy to share it, you may write it on the comment box! Feel free to write it as long as you want, I'll diligently read it, I promise πŸ˜…☺️

As for me, I went to see the first sunrise of the year, just like what I did last year (link to 2017 New Year celebration, here). But this time was at a different kind of place! Last year was at a slope in Harajuku, and this year was at a park near uni! Probably just 10 minutes walk from my dorm.

Musashino Mori Park

Left to right: My Indian bestie Afrin, My Turkmenistan bestie Jennet, and yours truly ☺️πŸ˜‰

This sun-rise viewing thing has been in my new year must-do-thing list ever since I started living in Japan. If you've been reading this blog from quite the earlier years, you'd know that 2014 was the outset of this tradition to begin rooted in my life. Yet, I don't know if I'd still continue doing this, if one day, I ever leave Japan to move to another country. We'll see....


I still have some other shots from today that I plan to feature on the blog later, hehehe. For the special post about catching 2018's first sunrise to be exact. Wait okaay! ❤️πŸ™πŸ»

Alright, let's jump right to what happened in my life in 2017! Woohoo!

- Let's start with the failures of the year! -

Hahaha yes, I'd love to start it with the tough ones being the first, okay? Just because... I need myself a fair shot of  life as a whole, with its ups and downs, with what worked and what didn't/haven't, with what made  me smile from ear to ear and what made me frown for days (usually they lasted not more than 3 days tho! hahaha).... I'm so gonna share them now! πŸ˜‰

 I guess I dealt with three major failures this year. I believe there are more than three failures if I break them down into details by digging into daily-weekly-monthly goals. But no, we're not going there this time. RIP my fingers then, hahaha.

The first and second failure are of the same category: 
Failed at making it to a fully funded international conference and summer school organized by the same foundation. I took the application processes very seriously. I shed my energy and mind, trying to write something as appealing as possible, but of course still tried to make everything as genuine as possible. You know, I wanted these opportunities so bad because I knew how they could have been such great events for me to foster my self-presentation ability in the global/international contexts. 

I always found myself hungry for such kind of experiences! In such events, you will usually able to meet a bunch of inspiring people, yet at the same time, you'll be able to meet another side of you that you might never know/realize before; such as the braver you in pitching ideas in front of people that are probably greater than you in terms of knowledge, experiences and whatnot.

But yeah, the ideas that I offered during the application processes, and self-experiences that I tried to sell were maybe still far from what the organizers expected. Or maybe I was just unlucky this time. Or again, maybe, my time just hasn't come yet. Too many maybes, because they didn't really tell why I failed. But one thing that I'm 100% sure is that, the competitions in order to make it to big international events of such kinds are extremely tight and fierce. Everyone tried their best, not just me. I was actually competing for something really big, with all the excellent competitors out there that I barely know how excellent they actually are. But I'm happy because even though I failed at them, I had given myself another chance to try.

I even got to try for the second time after the first failure. No room for trauma, no. I had always thought that I wouldn't be able to start all over again to the (almost) exact same battle once I was defeated. But I was totally wrong... I fought back, with the same amount of optimism and burning energy as the first one. 

Even though the second result was a failure once again, at this point, I'm still eager beyond reason to challenge myself to go to the same battle yet again! I won't stop until I manage to get them. I promise to myself. All of these failures have taught me resilience and a handful of knowledge about just how tough this world is. At least, the kind of world that I've been dreaming of. I'm struggling for something big, and I've been so proud about this fact ever since the beginning. 

"To continue enjoying each and every struggle", I guess, is my 2018 motto. You know, optimism is probably the best gift that I can ever give to myself. Not just about optimism in facing what's coming next, but also optimism towards failures. That every failure has their own meaning. And now, I've come to an understanding, that we might find out the meanings in a shorter or maybe longer time after the failures occur. But for sure, those meanings will emerge just at the right time. 

Alright, moving on...

The Third Failure:
The third failure is actually about how loose my time management was in the last quarter of 2017. I didn't really stick to the timeline that I made. This mainly about my research timeline. Everything went normal and well actually. Nothing disastrous I could say. But I failed at realizing one last thing that I had set to conduct in December: an interview with the next potential respondent. 

Well, I hate to say irresponsible remark like this, but, December has always been in that kind of year-end holiday season vibe or mood... that apparently had made me unable to behave academically relevant. And now I'm 30% upset about this. Hahaha. 

With that time management failure being mentioned above, I'll strive for a better time management this year. Behaving academically relevant to my research timeline is my concrete goal. Because... I'm planning to debut myself at a symposium/s this year *fingers-crossed🀞*. I really need to speed up my data collection process as well as the analysis. Also, I have to do everything well and firmly reasoned so that when those faith-shaking remarks from my advisor strike, I could debate her and make sure that my logic win hahaha. πŸ˜†πŸ€ž 

So yeah, cheers to an academically productive 2018, Shab! At least I have what it takes to conducting a research, that is, "loving the subject". Because keep coming back to something that you don't love is such a pain in the ass. And in conducting research, you basically keep coming back to that one particular topic over and over again. So the key point here is to make sure that I'll keep coming back to what  I love doing. Hehe.

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Omg, it's 23:34 already. I guess I need to stop here. I can actually just continue this post but, I really need to sleep asap because I have an appointment tomorrow. I'm going to meet my high school friends and about to hang out to some fun places in Tokyo! I'll get back to this blog super soon to finish this post.... on the 2nd part!


Well, I hope you tons of good lucks this year! Keep being you! 
You do you, I do me, and we're a happy family! πŸ˜‰πŸ˜†
This is a repetitive thing, but I wish I can be more productive in this platform just like those good old days! 
*the last finger-crossing🀞*

xx,


Shabrina.

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