25 July 2013

Keeping Myself Alive

This post is gonna be different than my usual posts about my fine days here in Japan. After thinking for several minutes, finally I decided to soak what I've been feeling here, in my blog. 

This month, I've been passing so many incredible phases in my life. July, it's the month when I finally managed to learn so many things about myself. I thank God for this super amazing seventh month of the year that will soon be fade away from my sight, but the lessons will surely remain in my heart. 

Eventually, I knew myself. I became to know the real side of me through the lessons that God let me to learn. It's the very first time in my life to really realize that struggling will be the only way I have to keep myself alive since I have no other weapons. I kept on convincing myself that everything's gonna be okay and I had to stop underestimating myself. Yeah, the girl in this body was doubting about herself. I had never been such pessimistic and optimistic at almost the same time in my life. I felt sorrow, but I just didn't want it to stick forever so I tried so hard to cheer myself up. I challenged myself to not to cry. I challenged myself to flatter the works that I did when no body notices them. I was trying as if I could die if I wasn't, until finally I gave up and realized that nothing wrong with all the things I did. 

My mom, she is the best gift that God ever gave me. She always there, and her love will always be real. When I was suffering from self identity crisis, she was always there, stayed up late just to wait me on-line so that she could hear all of my grief. Oh God, she's beyond everything great that I've ever imagine. 
God...Hug her with Your blessing, load her with Your grace, please :)

In this life, we can't choose who we will have to deal with. Yeah, indeed. But we can definitely choose how to deal with them. I will always be the one that struggle for the things that I'm wanting, the one that always be honest to everything that I do, the one that always have a good attitude and faith in herself! I'm gonna enjoy all of this process, no matter how hard the hindrances that I'm going to meet along my journey because I'm sure that the beautiful scenery will always follow me even though sometimes it may turn unclear due to the bad weather haha :D

I think I'm going to enjoy the time when I get lost with myself finding the answers to my doubts, with a map grasped in my hand so that I will not lose my destination and keep myself alive in blissfulness.

Yosh! xx

Photo was taken at Meji Jingu Shrine, Harajuku. May, 20th 2013 (Spring).

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